Dying to Disappear

19th September 2011

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He broke my fucking heart. I don’t even know how he did it, I hardly even know him, but in the few weeks that I have, I have become so attached and I know he feels the same but doesn’t do commitment and can’t cope with a relationship and said he just wants to be friends, but you can’t invite someone over numerous times, have a lot of sex and get on like tea and milk and then just be friends :@ !!!!

And…ok so obviously it wasn’t love but omg i have never ever felt so good from spending time with someone. He made me smile and forget everything bad. I’m not even fussed about the lack of relationship etc but I MISS HIM. I know he said he wanted to be friends, and he lives like an hour from me right, but I don’t care, distance shouldn’t matter if you like each other. Anyway, so he said he wanted to be friends but I’ve hardly heard from him and i fucking miss his voice, and his laugh and the way he’d give me and extra squishy hug.

i have a horrible achey feeling in my chest and tummy and every time my phone goes off my tummy lurches and my heart gets a funny stabby feeling cause there is a little bit of hope in me that it is him sending me a message.

But I know it’s not him. He doesn’t want me.

I just want a hug from him, and him to stroke my face and look at me.

I could stare into his eyes literally forever.

‘you are a cinema, i could watch you forever’ - he sung that to me the first time we layed next to each other and he was just staring at me.

uuuuuuuuuuurhg :’(

And it’s my birthday and I’m ill, and the guy I so desperately want to talk to doesn’t want me. Today is shit.

And if one more person tells me there are plenty more fish in the sea i will scream.

Tagged: boysemotionalhurtupsetdick